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Leaving an Abusive Relationship
The process of leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous. Safety is the primary concern. Even if you do not think your partner poses a risk, leaving often triggers an increase in violence. It is best to prepare as much as you can ahead of time.
Ask a friend or family member to keep items you gather to take with you. Make sure the person you choose will not tell your abuser about your plans to leave. Do not take anything that will be noticed as missing.
Things to Stash Away:
Money
Contact information for a local domestic violence shelter
Prescribed medications
Legal documents for you and your children (e.g. birth certificates, social security cards)
Photographs or written evidence of the abuse
Financial records and account numbers
Personal belongings possessing sentimental value
Clothing and personal needs
Things to Arrange:
A plan that safely removes yourself and you children from the home
Transportation for yourself, children and belongings
A safe place to stay
How to manage being gone from home for an extended time
Referral to a lawyer or legal advocate to obtain a personal protection order, temporary child custody order, etc.
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Abusive Personality
There are signs that can help you spot someone with an abusive personality. The earlier you become aware of these red flags, the easier it is to get out of the relationship. Take notice if the person you are involved with displays the following abusive personality traits.
Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
Pushes for quick and intense involvement
Seems too good to be true
Blames others for actions
Needs to be in control
Unrealistic expectations of the relationship
Easily upset or angered
Inability to respect partner's boundaries, privacy, need for separate activities or identity
History of violent behavior
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Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Abusive relationships are progressive.They do not begin with physical or sexual violence.Instead, tactics are used to gain control over the victim before hitting, kicking, biting, pushing or unwanted sexual activity is introduced. The following are signs of an abusive relationship.
Emotional Abuse (name calling, criticizing, “joking” in a demeaning or embarrassing way)
Intimidation (uses threats, looks or gestures to scare partner; breaking objects)
Isolation (uses jealousy to control what partner does, who he/she sees, where he/she goes)
Denies Responsibility (minimizes, denies or blames partner for emotions and behavior
Uses Children (threatens to harm the children or take them away from the partner
Financial Control (keeps partner from working or takes paychecks; demands account of all spending)
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Signs of an Abusive Personality
Dating should be a fun experience. To make sure you're enjoying yourself, while staying safe, be aware of common signs in people with abusive personalities. If you're using an online dating service, look for these types of traits in possible matches:
Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
Pushes for quick and intense involvement
Seems too good to be true
Needs to be in control
Unrealistic expectations of the relationship
Easily upset or angered
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Teen Abusive Relationship
Teen abusive relationships include physical, sexual and verbal abuse. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2000) found that one in 11 high school students said they had been hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year. Similarly, one in 11 students reported that they had been forced to have sexual intercourse. According to 2000 statistics from the Bureau of Justice, far greater numbers of teens (as high as 96 percent) report emotional and psychological abuse in their dating relationships.
You may be in an abusive relationship if your boy/girl friend:
·Acts possessive or jealous
·Slaps, pushes, hits, kicks or threatens you
·Forces you to have sex
·Yells at you
·Makes you feel guilty all the time
·Calls you names or makes you feel stupid
·Forces you to do things you are not comfortable doing
·Uses drugs or alcohol or forces you to use them
·Won’t let you break up with him/her
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Signs of an Abusive Personality
Once you are in an abusive relationship, it is difficult to get out. Therefore, recognizing the number one early warning sign of an abusive personality gives you the key to avoiding the whole problem. Someone with an abusive personality always displays an unusual amount of jealousy. Although this may at first seem flattering, the level of possessiveness will accelerate as the relationship progresses.
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