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Abusive Personality

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What are the red flags I should look for in an abusive personality?

Abusive Personality

There are signs that can help you spot someone with an abusive personality. The earlier you become aware of these red flags, the easier it is to get out of the relationship. Take notice if the person you are involved with displays the following abusive personality traits.

  • Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
  • Pushes for quick and intense involvement
  • Seems too good to be true
  • Blames others for actions
  • Needs to be in control
  • Unrealistic expectations of the relationship
  • Easily upset or angered
  • Inability to respect partner's boundaries, privacy, need for separate activities or identity
  • History of violent behavior



3/27/2007 1:08:47 PM
Krystal said:

Being in an abusive relationship is hard. you got to get out of it while you can! it was really hard for me but it was worth it in the end. i feel free

12/18/2007 6:45:22 AM
Dani said:

This list is my ex boyfriend. Everything written here is what he is/was. It's a great way of letting people know some signs to be aware of.

8/31/2008 2:28:35 AM
unknown said:

i just got out of one of these or so i hope so.
have no one to talk to about it though

10/19/2008 6:16:45 AM
su said:

Aaargh! these personality traits sound like me - after living 6 years with an abuser. You become like them in the end. Am getting out this week (with support of family and friends)Thank God.

10/21/2008 2:04:50 PM
Barbara said:

Congratulations, Su. I'm glad you had the courage to reach out to family and friends. Be safe and celebrate yourself (BTW it is also normal to feel sad some days.)This is a really big, really bold step. We're rooting for you!

12/18/2008 8:05:54 AM
uknown said:

im in an abusive relationship right now and trying to get out, its so hard cause i dont have anyone to talk to

12/22/2008 4:25:37 PM
Barbara said:

Dear uknown,
It takes a lot of courage to talk about being in an abusive relationship. Please know that there is no excuse for abuse. This isn't about anything you said or didn't say, did or didn't do. You can't make someone hit you. Violence is a choice. When you are ready, help is available. Contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or 1.800.799.SAFE/7233 for free resources in your area. Please be safe.

1/4/2009 4:00:26 PM
Ann said:

I'm in an emotional abusive relationship right now and have been married for a long time. I want to get out but worried about where I can go with no money. I'm not allowed money except food money. It use to be physical but now name calling and yelling. If he is not yelling at me than he refuses to talk to me.

3/5/2009 6:44:46 AM
Terri said:

I've gotton back with this man, and i regret it.
The reason is...Its because of great sex. I feel like i'm drowning and i can't get out.
I can't talk to anyone, because my family are always judgeing me, never helping. I thought i loved him but...... the more and more time i spend with him, i want to leave, but... i'm afraid because of his temper and how he's going to react again. I feel like i'm stuck.

3/26/2009 9:16:53 AM
Lina said:

Terri, you can always have great sex with someone else...get out while you can! Okay, wow, this list sounds exactly like my husband. It took me a long time to really notice just how abusive. Weird thing is all of these signs were present before i entered the relationship in some shape or another. Please ladies/gents be careful. From the moment you feel something isn't right about the person or from the first incident (usually this is a late sign) as fast as you can. I wish i i feel afraid to leave although i still am going to.

4/12/2009 2:22:27 PM
kje said:

My ex-boyfriend would call me names, alcoholic, cheater and he ruined by credit. He always blamed me for everything. Now, he's moving on to find the next girl and I'm having a hard time letting go, WHY??? I don't want to be with him, I don't want him back but why couldn't he just be sweet to me?? It makes me angry that he can just move on to his next victim and not take any responsabilites that there really is something wrong with him. Why do I get upset thinking about him with someone else????? Is there something wrong with me also, am I a bad person?? I cry all the time and I feel I will never find happiness with anyone ever again

4/21/2009 6:18:10 AM
Traci said:

This was my exhusband. Do to low self esteem, I thouht it was love. Terri like you I have tried to get back together because of the great sex. If I could put him in a box and only take him out for sex! Get you abusers out of the house. They will call nonstop for a week or two, drop by. Keep your head up stick to your guns. They will quit.They will move in with somebody with low self esteem and be done with you. Mine joined a dating site, and was with another woman within two weeks. The best book to read ladies is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It will help and explain things. The book was like reading my life. Meditation helps to help center you. Both of these I got from my counselor. I started seeing her when I realized I couldn't take my husbands tantrums any more. His tantrums would last 5-12 hrs non stop. He is an alcoholic, a functioning alcoholic. Serious people can email me at I'll talk with you.

3/15/2010 5:03:14 AM
gee said:

What did Ann do? That sounds like me! But i have only been married a year!I am so scared and i do not believe in divorce- but he refuses to get help....

5/12/2010 10:08:42 AM
FreedomChild said:

Every one of these items (except the money because he is unemployed) is my husband. We've been together for 18 years, but I married him a few months ago to try to keep my family together after he accused me of cheating (which I wasn't). He hasn't really changed even with some therapy. It just hurts so much sometimes I don't want to do anything - the depression really brings me down. I just want him to wake up to his behavior and see how harmful it is to everyone around him - he just doesn't want to look in the mirror! Can I honestly get away from him and break the ties?

8/26/2010 11:49:09 PM
Lexi said:

I have been in an abusive relationship for 4 years. I fell for his charm and it was great for awhile. In the begining he would want me to be with him all of the time. then he would get mad if I spent time with my family, even my child. He always said it was my fault when we argued, because He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. He has called me names as well as my child,spit on me, shoved me,scream, accuse me of cheating,break my stuff....I finally said enough, I always took him back because he said he would change,It only got worse.I miss him and still do love him but I know it was only a matter of time before he really hurt me or worse. Its hard to except that it is over especially when you see the good in them and do love them but its not worth the fear and walking on egg shells all the time

9/11/2010 8:23:39 PM
Deb said:

"Walking on eggshells", oh you are so right, Lexi. Always trying to please him has me wiped out. I'm so numb, I don't even cry anymore. I can't wait to see my lawyer (children are involved). Wish I could change my name and disappear.

6/27/2011 2:32:06 PM
Flo said:

Wish I had read these 5 years ago. Holly crap I he's almost eery one of those things. What was I thinking. I wish I had a rewind button

2/13/2012 9:30:03 PM
Jayd said:

What if i am the one who is described? What can I do? I really want change because I love my boyfriend and I know my personality causes problems. I grew up with an abusive father and I do not want to be like him...


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