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Leaving an Abusive Relationship

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How can I prepare to leave an abusive relationship?

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

The process of leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous. Safety is the primary concern. Even if you do not think your partner poses a risk, leaving often triggers an increase in violence. It is best to prepare as much as you can ahead of time.

Ask a friend or family member to keep items you gather to take with you. Make sure the person you choose will not tell your abuser about your plans to leave. Do not take anything that will be noticed as missing.

Things to Stash Away:

  • Money
  • Contact information for a local domestic violence shelter
  • Prescribed medications
  • Legal documents for you and your children (e.g. birth certificates, social security cards)
  • Photographs or written evidence of the abuse
  • Financial records and account numbers
  • Personal belongings possessing sentimental value
  • Clothing and personal needs

Things to Arrange:

  • A plan that safely removes yourself and you children from the home
  • Transportation for yourself, children and belongings
  • A safe place to stay
  • How to manage being gone from home for an extended time
  • Referral to a lawyer or legal advocate to obtain a personal protection order, temporary child custody order, etc.



6/25/2007 9:15:21 AM
michels said: this is a good site.this was helpful and I love the list to the left as it offers a wide range of issues persons face. great JOB!

11/6/2008 7:48:26 AM
Karen said:

We must take a look at our childhood to see if we are subconsciously looking for the same environment and hurting ourselves. If your childhood had for instance an absent father, then you will love someone who is distant or cold or witholding.
If you do not resolve that issue, you will repeatedly be drawn to those who represent the same early environment you had....and pick an abusive person every time. The face will change but not the issues.
Try giving the relationship some time before you jump in with both feet. Ask...can I be myself or do I have to edit who I am for this person to be happy? Do I seem to be responsible for their state of emotional wellbeing? Or is this person responsible for their own wellbeing.
If they have gotten physical, you are waiting for it to get worse if you stay. It always escalates. This time they bruised you, next time they break a bone. It doesn't matter how sorry they are afterwards.

10/12/2009 7:39:52 PM
clare said:

My boyfriend its abusive,I'm 18 and we have a son together,I'm scared to leave him because he threatens to take my baby away,he tells me I'm ruined and ill never meet anyone else,and if I do they will never love me because I'm a wreck,since being with him I've put loads of weight,lost all my friends,I'm suicidal,I don't understand how he turned so evil,at the begining he was brilliant,during my pregnancy he looked after me never showed me any violence,after having the baby everything turned bad,he's hit me,and doesn't show any remorse,he tells me I deserved it,he's threatend to crash his car while I've been in it,and also tried pushing me out of the door while doing 90 on the motorway,when I tell him I want to leave him he pretends nothing happened,and sends me txts saying he loves me,& he begs me back and cries down the phone to me,then when I take him back he treats me bad,lashes out and calls me names,he says he treats me bad because I won't live with him,I know the only way I can get away from him is moving and changing me and my sons name,but I've had no help and I'm scared he will kill me,

10/21/2009 1:45:05 PM
Simone said:

i dont know if i am in a abusive relationship!!! its verbal basically not hitting! but i think it may turn into a abusive relationship. he says he wont hit me because he feels if a man hits women they are wimps. idk what should i do?

9/11/2010 8:29:47 PM
Deb said:

If in doubt, kick him out! While arguments can be a normal part of a close relationship, you should still feel like you can trust him at the end of the argument. Win or lose, a real partner will still be able to rationally carry out an argument without namecalling, belittling, or dragging in parts of the past that have nothing to do with the argument. And yes, verbal is as bad as physical. If it's something you wouldn't want a 5-yr old to hear, you don't have to put up with it.

11/16/2011 12:22:09 PM
Karen said:

I am in a verbally abusive relationship with a 47 yr old alcoholic. He has never physically hurt me. I research alcoholism behavior on a daily basis and am fully equipped to deal with it, however I am truly an emotional wreck and am finding it impossible to get out...I constantly refer to his drinking as him falling into the black hole, sometimes drinking for a month straight...not eating and sending me hundreds of text messages claiming Im the bad person. In fact Im in the black hole in this relationship and being sucked dry of my happiness and future with someone deserving of my company. I cant get out...need help.


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