Break Up Advice

We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people’s feelings whenever possible. The “whenever possible” clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties. Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.

There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.

• Don’t be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone’s misery.
• Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don’t fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.
• Don’t lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later - usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true causes unnecessary pain.
• Don’t blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you’ve fabricated.
• Don’t delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like “neediness” to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.

Number One First Date Tip: Safety

The beginning stage of a relationship can be stressful. However, don’t let your anxiety about what to wear or say make you forget to plan for safety. When you are meeting someone for the first time, this needs to be a consideration. Even if you feel like you know this person because of Internet dating time together, taking some simple precautions is a good idea. Things such as driving separately, letting a friend know where you will be, and containing your first date activities to a public place are easy strategies you can employ.

Internet dating safety can be maintained with some simple planning. Once you’ve chatted online and spoken for quite some time on the phone, meeting in person is the next step. If you’ve determined you are ready to move to this level, exercise this first date advice:

· Drive separately to a public meeting place.

· Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be home. Follow-up by checking in with your friend at a predetermined time and/or when you return home.

· Never leave the public place, go home with the person or invite your date to your home.

· Immediately end the date if you feel pressured in any way.

· Do not get drunk or tipsy. Drinking impairs judgment leading to choices you may not normally make.

Relationship Advice and The Rebound

There's a familiar relationship pattern among people who move quickly into a new romance after the old one dies (or, sometimes, while it's still limping along). Sad and brokenhearted, such a person finds a kindly soul who's willing to offer a comforting shoulder, or bed. The kindly soul offers support and relationship advice, believing that this will lead to healing, renewal, and love.

And lo and behold, it does -- but not with the kindly soul. Often, the person who once seemed a source of comfort now becomes just a reminder of old pain. A happy new life begins -- with a happy new partner, someone who wasn't around for any of the bad old stuff.

If you're fresh from a breakup, you can recognize this pattern for what it is, and choose to get your comfort from people who don't want long-term love. If you're tempted to play the role of the kindly soul, take two steps back and give the rebounder time and space to heal before expressing your interest.

Long Distance Relationship Advice

Some long distance couples find this to be the best of both worlds. You can live your life without constant attention to the needs of a partner. Yet, you have a person with whom you connect periodically to get a regular dose of romance and fun.

After a while, this can be a double-edged sword, however.

Many couples in long distance relationships find it so much fun and, in a way, so low-impact on their day-to-day lives, that after a while they become convinced that this relationship is obviously “the one.” And sometimes it is. But it’s hard to judge that from a distance.

Perhaps no long distance relationship advice is more important than to be careful. Do not overestimate a long distance relationship’s potential to translate into a regular relationship where you live in the same town, same home, and are headed towards long-term commitment.

The long distance relationship is an easy place to be on best behavior. Anyone can be accommodating, flexible, and attentive for a long weekend. This says little, in most cases, about how accommodating, flexible and attentive each party will be if you see each other every day, much less live in the same home.

In a nutshell, always remember: a long distance romance is NOT real life. It can be a wonderful little bubble that floats through real life. Party on in that bubble. Live it up.

Real life happens when you step outside that bubble to incorporate both your habits, idiosyncrasies, faults, families, jobs. Life becomes very different from what it was inside that bubble. Make changes to your life with caution.

Signs of an Abusive Personality

Once you are in an abusive relationship, it is difficult to get out. Therefore, recognizing the number one early warning sign of an abusive personality gives you the key to avoiding the whole problem. Someone with an abusive personality always displays an unusual amount of jealousy. Although this may at first seem flattering, the level of possessiveness will accelerate as the relationship progresses.

Dating After Divorce: Take Time

When dating after divorce, it’s easy to see your first relationship through rose-colored glasses. This is understandable and normal.

Most of us emerge from any breakup, to say nothing of a divorce, with a lot of pain and heartache. Perhaps we feel like a failure or feel rejected or abandoned. This is especially true if we weren’t the ones who wanted the divorce, but even if the divorce was on our initiative, the process is painful.

The first new relationship after all those painful feelings, therefore, can feel like a gift from heaven, salvation from rejection, loneliness, and failure. And it may be all of these things. But it can also be a rebound relationship, one that pulls you out of those depths and results in your seeing the new relationship through a distorted lens. You might ignore or dismiss obvious areas of incompatibility. Worse yet, you might gloss over potentially dangerous issues like abusive or controlling behaviors, substance abuse, or other risk-taking behaviors.

Some of these risks are reduced by giving yourself a sufficient break between your divorce and dating after the divorce is final. That first relationship after your divorce may be exciting, fun, and full of new experiences. Enjoy it, love, live, and learn. But be careful.

Committing when kids are involved

Couples that would normally be together happily ever after can find serious hurdles to their relationship when children are involved. One partner might think the other is too lenient or strict with the children, or not approve of the child rearing methods used. Studies show that most childless couples get along far better than when children are introduced into the situation.

Realize that the children are a large factor in your relationship, and that they affect how you relate to your partner. Sit down and talk about the way you both feel about this, and see if there are compromises you can make. Perhaps just understanding how you feel might make the situation less stressful.

Dealing with Responses to Intergenerational Relationships

If you are interested in May – December relationships, prepare for some negative responses. People react strongly to age difference relationships. Being confronted with other people’s opinions and standards can be difficult. Strangers are bad enough, but often friends and family object as well. Age difference relationships undoubtedly have added complexity because of this external pressure. However, there are things you can do to make this easier on everyone. If friends and family appear judgmental, it is often driven by their not understanding why you have chosen your partner. Sometimes, this lack of understanding translates into outright hostility. Of course, this makes interactions uncomfortable and strains feelings between you. Try to be sensitive rather than defensive. Approach discussions empathically, openly and honestly. Being upfront about your relationship, and the impact of other’s reactions, can help them better understand your choices. Most often, friends and family are simply concerned about your happiness. They do not want to see you hurt. Respond to their love for you vs. the parts that feel like criticism.

Interracial Dating

Despite progress, race and ethnicity remain divisive issues in American culture. While this should not deter interracial romance, it is realistic to expect that prejudices, stereotypes and challenges will be encountered. It is helpful for interracial couples to prepare for spoken and unspoken stereotypes they will encounter. Concerns, anxieties, and fears need to be addressed fairly early in interracial relationships. Ongoing, open discussions will need to continue as issues occur.

Getting "Out There"

Maybe you've tried the bar scene, and wound up with nothing to show for it but a hangover. Maybe you've been burned on a few online "winks."

While some people do find lasting love in bars or online dating sites, the best way to find someone new is to meet him or her in person. That means going out and doing things outside your comfort zone.

If you want to meet women, think about the kinds of things women do. Try joining a religious group, art class, or local theater troupe. If you want to meet men, think about the kinds of things men do. Investigate sports or outing clubs, gyms, car shows, collector shops, or role-playing games. Both sexes can find interesting people in political groups, at the dog park, taking sailing lessons, at film festivals, or in professional organizations.

Don't neglect the possibilities of people you already know. Let trustworthy friends (and relatives, if you're brave) know you're looking, and allow yourself to be set up. You may be pleasantly surprised!

Catholic Singles

Premarital counseling sessions are strongly encouraged or required for Catholic relationships before a marriage will be performed by The Church. Prior to performing a wedding ceremony, the couple is asked to commit to raising any future children within the Catholic faith. And, The Roman Catholic church does not believe in divorce except in extreme situations. These are a few points to be considered by Catholic singles contemplating marriage. These should be discussed whether your partner is Catholic or not. However, if you are planning to marry outside your faith there is more potential for differences of opinion to arise. Therefore, it is a good idea to discuss these specifics as well as the overall differences in beliefs and backgrounds far in advance. Remember to be open minded, considerate and loving throughout these conversations. These reasons or others may be lead to your interest in limiting your dating to Catholic singles. Specialized dating sites and online
communities exist for Catholic singles to make your search easy and
enjoyable. The sites are fun to use and give you immediate access to
others seeking Catholic relationships.

Senior Dating

If you are looking to meet senior singles, you don’t have to go it alone. Online dating tends to be the most economical choice. However, if you are uncomfortable with this idea, you can choose an offline senior dating service to assist you. Matchmaking services have staff people employed to have personal contact with all members. Their objectives are to create matches, introduce members and facilitate dating.

To assist with pairing members, staff collect personal data on each person as they join the matchmaking service. The information members are asked to submit pertains to their own personal characteristics as well as what they are looking for in a partner. The staff are knowledgeable and possess a certain level of expertise in making compatible matches.