Dating After Divorce

Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce is challenging. There's no magic hourglass which determines when to start dating again, but it is a good idea to take a break before dating again.

Folks who are recently divorced usually have too many emotions stirred up to enter a new relationship without it getting messy and complicated. Be good to yourself and take some time to deal with the huge loss you have just gone through. Although difficult to do, a year is a reasonable break to strive for. If you can wait, it will make letting go of the old and entry into a new dating relationship much less bumpy.

This time delay becomes even more important if you have children. They too will have feelings of grief and loss, sadness and anger. Their adjustment, ability to deal with the concept of you dating, and acceptance of a new adult in your lives will be aided by putting things on hold for a while.

When coming out of a divorce many newly single people are in a different phase of life from when they were last dating. Personals, online chat rooms, and video-dating services have become a popular way for singles to meet and date, less intimidating than the bar scene.

While these venues can provide a safe, anonymous way to explore dating after divorce, make sure to stay safe.

• Consider which online service or publication you use for personals. Explore how applicants are screened. If it's a publication, check where this publication is distributed. This will impact who is looking at your personals or your online information.
• Choose an anonymous screen name that reveals no personal information but isn't overly suggestive (Janet-S-1961 is too informative while Hot-Lips-69 may get you some unwanted responses).
• In general, give out no identifying information. It's remarkably easy to find a person with minimal amounts of information.
• If and when you are ready to meet, use only first names. Meet the first time during the day, with a friend, in a public place. If a friend can't come with you, make sure someone knows where you are.
• If no one shows up for your first date, make sure you aren't followed when you leave the meeting place. Predators have been known to “no show,” watch a target at a designated meeting place, and follow them back home.
• You may feel you've made a “love connection” after that first date. Maybe you have! Still don't let down all your defenses. This may be “the One” but if it is, he or she will be patient. Don't let yourself be rushed.