August 4, 2006, Newsletter Issue #112: Reasonable Doubt and Suspicion

Tip of the Week

Sometimes, jealousy is an expression of our own fears and insecurities. Sometimes, though, there's really something going on.

There are classic signs of a cheating partner: sudden interest in appearance, new energy that doesn't seem to be related to other aspects of the person's life, unexplained phone calls or absences. Whether or not any of these are present, if you have a reasonable suspicion that your partner may be cheating on you, it's important not to act without knowing the truth.

Choose a time when you're not anxious, and talk with your partner about what you've seen and what you've been feeling. Ask your partner to talk about your relationship and where it's going. A cheating partner may be defensive at first, trying to tell you you're imagining things. Try not to get sidetracked into deceptions and minor disputes about specific incidents -- instead, keep the focus on the relationship and how the two of you can make things better.

It may take outside help, such as couples therapy, to get at the real issue. You may discover that both of you need to make changes to reclaim a healthy relationship.

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Barbara Gibson