May 12, 2006, Newsletter Issue #101: Anxiety and Jealousy

Tip of the Week

Some people believe jealousy is a sign of love. Real love involves trust and communication, not accusations and snooping.
When jealous behavior becomes a problem, it's most often a manifestation of the jealous person's own insecurities and self-esteem issues. If you're feeling anxious about a relationship, overcoming jealousy will require you to face those issues.
Signs you may have a problem with jealousy include:
-- Feeling compelled to track your partner's every minute of time
-- Becoming overly upset when your partner is unavailable
-- Calling your partner multiple times to check up
-- Feeling tempted to flirt with others just to "show" a supposedly cheating partner
-- Interpreting a partner's fatigue, illness, or distraction as a sign that you are not loved
-- Compulsions to snoop into a partner's e-mail, cell phone records or other private communications

If you have no concrete reason to believe your partner is cheating, these feelings may be signs of anxiety or insecurity. Focus not on your partner's actions, but on what you feel, and on sources of stress in the rest of your life, that have led you into this pattern of self-deception. If you have trouble turning around this pattern on your own, consider working with a therapist to learn new ways of thinking about relationship.

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