December 22, 2006, Newsletter Issue #130: Make the Time to Talk

Tip of the Week

There are many reasons people shy away from commitment. They may truly not be sure they are ready. They may be worried about friends and family reactions. They can know people who had awful relationships, and be worried that they might get into the same situation. They might be afraid of being trapped. They might be afraid of having to change in order to enter the relationship.

Sit down and really talk honestly with your partner about what concrete things they fear might happen if you entered into a commitment. Make lists of the various hurdles, even the things that you think might upset each other, and work down the list. This isn´t an easy task - for example, you might have to say you really dislike your partner´s mother always sticking her nose into your relationship. It´s better to acknowledge it and talk about it now, though, than to go on for months or years with it remaining unsaid.

When the lists are out in the open, discuss which items can be resolved, and ways in which you can resolve them. Discuss if items are fears without a basis, and find ways to help the fears go away. If you work through the list together, the act of you overcoming the hurdles as a team will be a great positive force in your relationship.

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