September 5, 2003, Newsletter Issue #85: Trust--the Building Block of Relationships

Tip of the Week

Trust is THE building block of relationships. Without it, there is no true relationship. Once it is lost, the relationship is doomed. This goes for any relationship--parent/child, brother/sister and husband/wife.

Trust is established in the first stages of any relationship. In fact, it is almost a given from the start. Unless you have first-hand knowledge about a person before you enter a relationship, you assume that the person is trustworthy. Trust is one of those things that is easily lost, but tough to regain. It is a given, but a fragile part of a relationship.

How do you get someone to trust you and keep that trust? It is actually very simple--don`t do anything that would put that trust in jeopardy. Don`t lie, cheat, steal, etc. Easy, huh?

If you are truly committed to your loved one, it is extremely easy. Trust is about considering each action you take before you take it. What impact would your actions have on your loved one? How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Buddha stated "Do not do unto others what you would not have done to you". Jesus rephrased that into "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". The Silver and Golden Rules.

Religion aside, those two phrases bring much meaning. They are simple statements that teach a way of life. If it would hurt you, then it will hurt your loved one. Again, very simple. But then, the most profound teachings in this life are the simplest.

How do you regain trust or how do learn to trust someone else again? That is tough.

There are some who state that once trust is lost, it cannot be regained. There will always be a nagging doubt in the background. Others state that through patience and time, trust can be regained.

We believe that it is somewhere in the middle.

If you have lost the trust of someone, then it is YOUR responsibility to regain that trust. You cannot command or demand that someone trust you. If you messed up, you clean it up.

That means that every action you take is up for scrutiny. You must explain where you are going, who you will be with, what time you will be home, what you are going to be doing. You have to make the effort to show that you are trustworthy. And it might never be enough. That is the price of losing someone`s trust.

Not to be all doom and gloom, trust can be regained. Through actions that show you can be trusted, you can gain someone`s trust back. Of course, it also depends on whether or not the person you jilted wants to trust you.

In most instances, depending on the severity of the situation, professional counseling is recommended. Trust is that part of a relationship that keeps it working. Without trust, a relationship is just two people constantly spying, worrying, and accusing.

If you have lost the trust of someone you care about, put these words into action. You can show them that you are worthy of their trust again--but you must work at it.

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