	Yes
	No
Sometimes people I talk to think it´s good to make their partners jealous. "It proves he cares," she´ll say. "I feel wanted when she´s jealous," he says. Wouldn´t you rather that you felt wanted and cared for without your partner feeling afraid of losing you? Jealousy is a painful emotion. To cause your partner pain, and promote this fear of the relationship being harmed, cannot do well for the relationship as a whole. You want to build your relationship up so you both feel wanted, happy, and secure naturally. You don´t want this feeling to only come around when one partner is actively fearing the relationship is in trouble.

Question 2

Does your partner feeling jealous make you feel wanted?

	Yes
	No
Sometimes pepole make their partner feel jealous because it shores up their self esteem, and makes them feel wanted and needed. A woman might flirt outrageously with another guy because she wants her boyfriend to see them and be upset. Really, if you´re feeling neglected, upsetting your partner isn´t the best way to fix the situation. Talk with your partner about healthy ways to gain the affection and attention you need.

Question 3

Do you dislike and/or pick on your friend´s boyfriend or girlfriend?

	Yes, my friend is always with this other person
	No, I can share my friend
You and your friend were tight - really tight. Then your friend went and started dating someone, and you never get to see your friend any more. When you do, half the time your friend brings along this dreg of a boyfriend/girlfriend. What do you do? First off, this is a normal part of relationship development. You can´t expect your friend to stay single forever to keep you company :) You need to find some way to balance things - maybe have a girl´s breakfast once a week, or a guy´s night out every Friday. Friendships and relationships are both extremely important parts of life, and both need to be nurtured! They certainly aren´t exclusive - having one should not mean the harm of the other.

Question 4

You broke up with someone - are you jealous of his/her new partner?

	Yes
	No
When you break up with someone, there are often hard feelings. You definitely don´t want to be with that person any more. Still, when you see your ex in the mall with a new girl/guy, smiling and having fun, you get those pangs of jealousy. Why? After all, you didn´t want this person any more ... Jealousy isn´t just about worrying about someone breaking up your perfect relationship. Jealousy is also about someone disturbing your "idea" of how things should be. If you break up with your ex because he/she was a jerk, you want to think that YOU will now end up with someone perfect, and HE/SHE will be sad and lonely and regret the things done. It disturbs that "mental fantasy" if you then see your ex with someone that seems ´great´, especially if you yourself are alone. Be secure in what you do. You left your ex because you wanted to. What he/she does now doesn´t matter - you are free, and you WILL find someone worthy of what you offer. Don´t let him/her continue to hurt you in this way. Build a new fantasy in which it doesn´t matter what he/she does, that you will be happy because you are clear of the baggage, and you´ll find things are much rosier.

Question 5

Do you want your partner not to have opposite-sex friends?

	Yes
	No
Let´s say you´re female. It might be difficult for you to accept that your boyfriend has other female friends, and spends time with them. After all, he already has you. Why would he need other females in his life? Normally people have this sort of fear because they are afraid that another ´potential partner´ will lure the mate away from the relationship. Your relationship should be strong enough that you don´t have to live in a mountaintop retreat for it to survive! Having friends of both sexes, and all ages, and all races, creeds, colors, etc, is important in life. If you were blind, wouldn´t it be helpful for your mate to talk to other blind people, to get a more rounded understanding of the situation? The same is true for genders. Men who have female friends tend to understand some of the cultural burdens (or benefits, depending on how you look at it) that women work under. Those men are then often better able to work in a relationship, because they have more ´knowledge´ with which to understand the situation. If you are unsure about your relationship and think that your mate having an opposite-sex friend is a threat to it, it´s time to sit down with your mate and discuss ways to build up the trust and stability of the relationship. Trying to keep each other in isolation isn´t a long term solution.

Question 6

Are you jealous of your partner´s coworkers?

	Yes
	No
It´s easy to be jealous of your partner´s coworkers. Your partner is spending tons of time with them, maybe eating lunch with them, maybe going on business trips to fun places or working long hours on projects you don´t understand. A large part of your partner´s life is being spent with others, and it doesn´t involve you. Since for most people work is a necessary occupation, you need to find ways to feel more comfortable with this. If your own relationship is sound, your mate won´t be tempted by those others he meets. Don´t torment yourself over those ´other people´ - just concentrate on what you and your mate do have. Build your relationship into a strong, solid one, and you won´t have fears that it could fall apart because your partner´s new coworker is young and attractive. It also helps to learn more about what your partner does, to become, as much as you can, a ´part of this world´. If you can, go out to lunch with him/her sometimes, or go to corporate functions, or just learn about the projects. The more that this becomes ´your´ world too, the less threatening it will seem.

Question 7

How long do you think your current relationship will last?

	A few weeks
	A few months
	A few years
	As long as we can make it work - hopefully forever
This question may seem unrelated to jealousy, but studies have shown that people who have confidence and security in their relationship are unlikely to be jealous. They know they´re in it for the long run, they know that both partners are fully committed to this relationship. If you´re not thinking your relationship will last long, then it´s likely that you´d be jealous about it, because you see it as a tentative thing anyway. Examine why you don´t feel it will last, and figure out if this is what you want.

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Barbara Gibson

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