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Leaving an Abusive Relationship

The process of leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous. Safety is the primary concern. Even if you do not think your partner poses a risk, leaving often triggers an increase in violence. It is best to prepare as much as you can ahead of time.

Ask a friend or family member to keep items you gather to take with you. Make sure the person you choose will not tell your abuser about your plans to leave. Do not take anything that will be noticed as missing.

Things to Stash Away:

  • Money
  • Contact information for a local domestic violence shelter
  • Prescribed medications
  • Legal documents for you and your children (e.g. birth certificates, social security cards)
  • Photographs or written evidence of the abuse
  • Financial records and account numbers
  • Personal belongings possessing sentimental value
  • Clothing and personal needs

Things to Arrange:

  • A plan that safely removes yourself and you children from the home
  • Transportation for yourself, children and belongings
  • A safe place to stay
  • How to manage being gone from home for an extended time
  • Referral to a lawyer or legal advocate to obtain a personal protection order, temporary child custody order, etc.
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Comments

6/25/2007 9:15:21 AM
michels said:

michels_2004@yahoo.com this is a good site.this was helpful and I love the list to the left as it offers a wide range of issues persons face. great JOB!

11/6/2008 7:48:26 AM
Karen said:

We must take a look at our childhood to see if we are subconsciously looking for the same environment and hurting ourselves. If your childhood had for instance an absent father, then you will love someone who is distant or cold or witholding.
If you do not resolve that issue, you will repeatedly be drawn to those who represent the same early environment you had....and pick an abusive person every time. The face will change but not the issues.
Try giving the relationship some time before you jump in with both feet. Ask...can I be myself or do I have to edit who I am for this person to be happy? Do I seem to be responsible for their state of emotional wellbeing? Or is this person responsible for their own wellbeing.
If they have gotten physical, you are waiting for it to get worse if you stay. It always escalates. This time they bruised you, next time they break a bone. It doesn't matter how sorry they are afterwards.



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