|
 |
|
|
|
0
(click on this box to dismiss)
I live in a 2-story house, i'm upatairs, and my 26yr. old son and wife live downstairs. we all usually get along, but lately they have been fighting alot, and he will yell at her and tell her to "get the he** out right now!!" It upsets me very much, and my daughter-in-law is so mixed up, she doesn't know what to do!! I have assured them both that I love each of them, won't take sides, but want to help them communicate better! He's a yeller just like his dad!(whom i left after 13 yrs. of controlling abusive behavior!) one day he'll tell her to just get out, and she will look for apts., and such, then next day, he wants 'to work things out' with her. I get upset when he yells too, cuz it brings back old feelings of worthlessness, and dispairity, and don't know what to do!! he thinks counseling sucks, and frankly- I think he may need to be on medication for depression, and/or bipolar, and so does his wife! HELP!!!! what can i do, or even suggest what he/they can do? Also pertinate, he threatens suicide, because he thinks she "doesn't love him as much as he 'loves' her"!! Luckily there are no children involved, and she gets an annuity from her father's trust,so she does have the ability to be on her own. Her whole family is in Brazil, which is where she is from. He was there with her for 2 yrs. while she was waiting for her visa to come here. I want everyone around me to be happy, so i am miserable too when they don't get along. I have issues too, but I see someone for help/meds. I've told them I will leave if that would help, but they both say i'm not a problem. wow, reading over this, it definately seems that there are several problems, not just communication issues! Do you have any ideas??? thanks for taking time to read this, and for any help you can give me! sincerely, Mom-in-law who wants to help!!
|
|
 |
|
|
1 Answer
|
|
|
|
0
(click on this box to dismiss)
Ruth i see several problems, and i see where your coming from on this and you probably feel the worse out of all of this because it reminds you so much of what your husband was like. true your son might need to take some medications to help him with his problems, a lot like me he acts upon impulse, for me and him it varies what were like, but regardless we still have the same problem. your son just needs to learn how to control his emotions, because his very emotional and acts upon those emotions which is very dangerous, i don't want to scare you but he is a danger not only to himself but those around him, right now more to himself then others since from what you told me his never made any threats about killing others besides himself, your son needs you, he needs help and if his like anything i'm picturing right now he will fight counseling till the bitter end, he won't admit he needs the help,in fact it'll just agrivate him more when you tell him he does. its up to you and her to make him realize he needs help, but there is another option before you try getting him help. what you can do is, and this has a very good chance of working if he loves his wife as much as he says, and i'm sorry your going to have to go threw some really tough feelings and emotions, what you need to do is play the guilt card on him, start yelling at him and make sure you take control, meaning when your yelling at him he doesn't have the right to talk so if he gets loud with you get louder with him and make sure he listens,and realize that your the one talking and not him and that he needs to listen, and ask him and again i'm sorry, if he wants to end up like you and your husband, that if he keeps things up they won't be together for long, i'm sure you left your husband not because you didn't love him but because he was abusive and yeld a lot at you, and i don't blame you that will brake apart any marriage, but you have to remember not to hate them, people like your husband and your son are very emotional and over react to their emotions, so the slightest thing can set them and me off, but it can be controlled, and again i had no right to say what i just said and i know is not my business or place to say these things and i apologize if i made you angry or sad, but theres a better chance he will respond to guilt then counseling or medications, because his problems can all be controlled if his willing to control himself, i'm sure you love your son, and i wish i could talk to him, because i can relate to him, but remember make him feel guilty he might be having this problem because of his father your at fault for this, if you would like to keep on talking to me or ask me any other questions my e-mail is Jake.Martini@hotmail.com and you should know i'm only 19. reason i'm telling you this is because i don't want to give you the impression that i'm older then that, and i've never been married so i don't have any real expereince in this, i know some of my words were really harsh but i'm sorry, thats the reality of things, if it helps i've have experience helping people i've helped over the years 9 marriages stay together and a lot of relationships if that helps the fact i'm 19 because some people would think that since i'm ont 19 i have no idea what i'm saying and wouldnt really listen to me until its to late. again good luck and i'm sorry if anything i said offended you but i'm only trying to help.
|
|
|
|
|
Your Answer
|
