Break Up Advice
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Break Up Advice
We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people's feelings whenever possible. The “whenever possible” clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties. Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.
There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.
- Don't be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone's misery.
- Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don't fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.
- Don't lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later - usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true causes unnecessary pain.
- Don't blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you've fabricated.
- Don't delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like “neediness” to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.
Comments
10/4/2007 7:56:00 AMInamess said:
It's the truth .... The truth hurts !
11/30/2007 8:55:10 PM
kim said:
I just broke up with someone I really love today. It was over a girl who kept text messaging him, whom he said was "just a friend" Someone he had taken to Mexico before we started dating this year. I just didn't feel comfortable with it and asked him to ask her to stop texting him. He seemed a little reluctant, so I ended the relationship. I don't like any doubts at all and to me, they lead to distrust. Was I wrong to end it?
6/3/2008 1:27:43 PM
nayely said:
how do u know
10/5/2008 9:35:56 AM
joe said:
excellent advice i agree
11/12/2008 6:47:41 PM
brittany said:
i like ur advice but wht about the one who got broken up with? wht do u do then?
11/18/2008 9:44:16 AM
chika_bonita said:
s0 like wut if the guy you wanna brak up with really likes you? and you like him too.....but....you love someone else...and that someone else loves you....basically im confused....they both want me seriously.. :/
11/23/2008 7:48:50 AM
Lee said:
I like your advice but my guy is very possesive. How do i handle him? do i need to break up with him
12/16/2008 12:16:15 AM
anne said:
i live with my boyfriend of 8 years i have been trying for years to break up with him (he doesn't work) but when i mention it he tells me to "knock it off". he has it pretty good i understand why he won't leave but i feel trapped. short of calling the police, any ideas?
1/3/2009 1:39:25 AM
Dan said:
Single's the way to go. After a few dates it must end. Afterall isn't the best part of a relationship.
1/14/2009 6:13:31 PM
Lupe said:
I like your advice but I do not know what to do with my marriage. I been married for almost 3 years found out that my husband was cheating and kick him out of my home, he resented the fact I did that and went to his work and presented the divorce papers, he did a porno tape with his friend after we were mrried keeps his old girld frieds texting him, goes to my space to communicate with them and seeks women in the internet. I am in love with him but I do not trust him he has his own apt and he has been asking e to move back with him but his behavior is weird, he dissapears, and states needs space for himself, is not very emotional or have any details for me, lately we are not intimate. I am planning just to walk away with no explanations, he does not communicate with me at all and when I try to talk he tells me that I have another TT,. I know man are dogs but I was expecting something better, I am a sucessful preffessional i do not need a man for financial support. but I do not need all this emotional battle.
what do you suggest?
4/15/2009 12:51:54 PM
kyle said:
Idk what to do any more. I love this girl why do i feel like this. why am i unhappy. ive givin this girl everything and she has givin me enything. I know she is the one for me. I want to be with her. i'm just not sure what to do... can anyone help
5/1/2009 4:27:09 PM
Lynne said:
This is what happened to me. However, he says I am his whole world, that he loves me and that he misses me. He text me five week after the breakup and said he misses me and that he doesn't know if he wants to throw it all away. I don't know what to think.
6/1/2009 2:33:42 PM
Blank->anonymouse said:
Ok well i really need some advice from anyone. I've been going out with this guy for six months. Well yesterday he texted me saying i wanna take a break from going out. he said for a few weeks he said he has football,baseball and everything and its draininf him. In guy terms what does a few weeks mean? Will he come back to me? I honestly don't want to lose him. So can ANYBODY PLEASE RESPOND to me cause this has hurt me a lot. And yes I'm a teenager so its hard for me.
7/1/2009 10:38:51 PM
nikki09tyler said:
i've read all these comments. and its summer time right now, i dont get to see my boyfriend, and im at my grandmothers house and theres this really cute guy...he knows i like him and i know he likes me. if i want a relationship with this guy but still have feelings for my boyfriend, but the feeling i have for this guy is much stronger than the one i have with my boyfriend. and besides, my boyfriend has been known to cheat and im scared he'll do it to me. but i know this other guy is very trustworthy. should i break up with my boyfriend and take the other guy? he's already proved hisself to me(he's very loyal). anybody got any advice... i need serious help.....please.
p.s. the guy in my user name is the other guy. i really like him.
7/8/2009 9:54:08 PM
Kerry-Ann said:
I understand your pain,but remember you have to love yourself first. Ask yourself a few questions like: do i have any proof of him cheating, will i be comfortable in this relationship, does it worth giving a try. When you love yourself you do what makes you comfortable as long as it is not hurting yourself, friends or family members. (do what is best for you).
7/8/2009 9:54:50 PM
Kerry-Ann said:
I understand your pain,but remember you have to love yourself first. Ask yourself a few questions like: do i have any proof of him cheating, will i be comfortable in this relationship, does it worth giving a try. When you love yourself you do what makes you comfortable as long as it is not hurting yourself, friends or family members. (do what is best for you).
7/30/2009 1:26:25 PM
sue said:
very good advice!
9/3/2009 1:43:51 PM
sara said:
i do agree with your advice.but for now i just try to do best as i can. If it dosn't work i will
find my own way and stay single again.i know what i want but not everybody can have want they want.
9/3/2009 1:46:19 PM
sara said:
i do agree with your advice.but for now i just try to do best as i can. If it dosn't work i will
find my own way and stay single again.i know what i want but not everybody can have want they want.
9/30/2009 1:48:05 AM
Delilah said:
well i've been dating a guy for 2 years now. he's 10 years older than me, and it's starting to take it's toll. a guy i flirted around with a year or so before we started dating has contacted me again, and is only a year older. and i'm starting to see why it's easier to get along with someone your age. i feel like i should break up with my boyfriend, because i really enjoy my time with my friend, but i don't know at all how to do it ): my boyfriend has been so good to me and given me anything i need, and has always been there for me.
11/7/2009 9:11:18 AM
Elise said:
I like how this post is both emphatic and straightforward. Thank you for this. You also brought up very strong points when it comes to relationships, and that is how we should NEVER ever lie or pretend for the sake of the relationship's success since it won't help either of you in the end. It really is hard to say what you think and feel, especially when your relationship has lasted quite long, but we also make our partner suffer and, in a way, prevent him or her from finding his or her own happiness because we kept him/her from the truth: that we're not happy. Thanks for this.
<a href="http://newfaey.com">-The Authentic Woman</a>
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